Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s here now, writing to you.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

What is treasury?

And the sadness?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

What is the story behind bhai dooj?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

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What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

I was tired of trying and failing.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

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So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

A kid threw a stone at my car. I confronted his mom (who was nearby). She said, "You can't prove it was my son." How should I have reacted?

I was tired of fighting.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

I had run out of hope.

Why cant I motivate myself to go to school (grade 10)?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

It’s still here.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Is it possible that my TF caused a kundalini awakening in another person? He is famous because He is a singer. We have not met physically yet, but I have gone through kundalini awakening and DNOTS and their ongoing. I have also had soul recognition so I know for sure that He is my Divine Counterpart and I do not have any doubts about it. But it is indeed perplexing that somebody had an awakening at the physical level because of Him. Is it a test for me? I have a mixture of feelings. On one hand I marvelled at Him and empathised with the person and on the other, I doubt if this just a test for me. I would appreciate your pov. Thank you for much.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

You are like me, then.

What is the most interesting question you can ask to get to know someone?

The sadness was still there.

Be who you already are.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

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For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.